Back, Once More, to Utah

Up into the mountains my first full day back in Utah.

I think I might manage not to cry. But then the scent of southeastern Utah hits me. Oh this place!

There is nowhere on earth I’d rather be.

A friend tells me I’m lucky to be back. No, I think, this is not luck. I had to make this happen.

The peace is disrupted. Loud whooping in the distance. Then fast whooshing of bikes racing by as I leap up out of the way. Did they notice the tears on my cheeks?  How can there be so many people? There never used to be this many people.

Cow friends.

Further up I wait for cows to get off the trail. They stand and stare at me. Can I please just go that way and you go this way?

Bending over again. Oh the lightheadedness.

When I stoop over to greet the wildflowers I get dizzy when I stand up again. My body spent 3 months at 1-3k feet. And today I’m climbing from below 9k feet up above 11k feet. Because I have to be up here. Right now.

Watching a satyr comma doing its thing.

So I breathe and keep going at my molasses pace until enough time in solitude passes and I remember I’m merely hiking at the speed of botany. I greet all the plants that I have missed all summer. Hello buckwheats, hello gentians, hello showy goldeneye.

Hello

My legs do this weird cramping thing which is the same as an IT band problem I had many years ago ("runners knee" my PT called it). It started three weeks ago and I thought it was all healed up. But four days of driving across the country has made it worse again. I do some stretches and keep going.

Even being exactly the place I’ve been longing for, back to this job that feels like my life’s passion, and yet, it's not all flowers and sunshine. Darn legs. I can’t take anything for granted. Certainly not the ability to hike. Of all people, I know that lesson deep in my core.

But also being typically myself, do I turn around? Ha!

As I leave the trail and head up towards the saddle, I text Jan to tell her where I am. I’m not going to climb the peak, I tell her.

Instead, I start making my way up the other shoulder cross-country. Following the call of the pika up onto the talus. The rocks jingle jangle (oh how I love that sound!).

Should I be dancing on the talus? Yes of course!

I make it up to where I can peek into the next basin. And it is the most beautiful sight of all the places I’ve been and long to go. Will go. Terrifying but somehow I know I’ll find a way up there. Beyond where I’ve been before.

For next time.

Maybe I am filled with more joy than I have ever felt in my entire life.  Or maybe I’m just lightheaded from the altitude. All I know is that I have a better feeling than ever that I'm on the right track for me.

Hello gentian