Friday, April 8, 2016

Last night (for a while) in New Mexico

All my stuff is packed into my small car back at the trailhead.  I moved out of housing this morning.  I hope my stuff stays safe while I’m out here.  Just one more night to watch the pink colors dance across Mt. Taylor from my perch above the lava.
Whenever I travel between new places, I carry my spare car key around my neck, until I get to my new place and can leave it with a neighbor.
My coworkers all say, “Aren’t you excited to be moving on?”  But I feel like I’ve only just found some secret trails that I want to explore, only just gotten a feel for the area, only just began to meet kindred spirits.
Climbing out to the tip of the rock formation they call Encerrito, for a view across the remarkably tree-covered lava towards Sandstone Bluffs and La Ventura Arch.
When I stopped at McDonalds to upload another blog post, a lady started talking to me.  “You’re not from around here are you?”  I get this all the time, no matter where I go.  Nope, I’m not really from anywhere.  As much as I come to love the places I get to stay at for a short while, I can’t call this place mine.  Will there ever be a time when I can feel like I’m from somewhere?
A minuscule legume I'd not seen before.
Textured resident lichen.
 I used to long for a home, for somewhere I will belong and be part of a community.  Like it felt like on the Trail.  Now, I think I’ve given up on the concept of home.
Except for maybe my hammock, which feels like the closest thing I have to a home anymore.
Watching the glowing sunset reflecting off Mt. Taylor from my hammock.
Lately, I have come to think of my relationship with place not as that of a resident, but rather as that of a guest.  If I work to adapt myself to a place, and dedicate myself to learning all I can from being there, I can stay for a while.  Maybe I will see something of its special nature.  But nothing belongs to me.  My presence is transitory.  Does anyone else feel this way?
A shadow passing through.

6 comments:

  1. I felt this way for many, many years. I moved every 6 months. Now, I don't know. I have a house here and I've been here for five years, but I still feel like I have one foot on the road. I don't know if I'll ever feel settled. Anyway, it'll be good to see you!

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    1. This totally makes me wonder if I will be capiable of finding a home, even when I do settle down. Ah well, right now this is an interesting life. No complaints are anything.

      So excited to see you too! I'll let you know when I get my new schedule after our training this week.

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  2. I think it's a bit like backpacking. You visit a place, travel through it, spend the night and say ah home, and then it's time to move on. So many places to visit and explore. I think in so many ways it's good for the soul to be open to exploration. Keeps you from taking life for granted and getting stuck. Keeps you just a bit on edge and outside your comfort zone.

    Having a home or at least a home base has its advantages, especially for just being able to rest without pondering tomorrow. For now, I'm enjoying my nomadic ways. I can tell it suits you also. Living in an area for a while is even better as you get a true taste of the culture and opportunities.

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    1. Wise words, Jan. Yes, it does have that advantage of keeping you open and feeling alive, and keeping growing.

      I'm glad it's suiting you too right now. I think it's so cool that you have a home base though too. :)

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  3. Once my biz is a bit more stable I'm going to join the nomadic life like you and Jan for a few years! Without being on a long trail the past 2 years, I've so missed seeing new places and new communities for a prolonged period of time. I tend to stay in my comfort zone at home...which is ok in chunks when I need it, but less so when I'm becoming complacent and feel stagnant. I want to be like Jan - have a small home base and be able to travel too!!

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    1. The nomadic life does keep you challenged, stimulated, and constantly growing, which I appreciate. But I do find it stressful and my heart always seems to break whenever I leave places and people-- I get attached so fast. I keep thinking it's going to get easier to deal with change... but I just keep waiting and waiting, and it still stresses me out and drains me everytime I pack up my stuff into my car again and have to move.

      I agree that Jan has the best of both worlds, with having a home base. It sort of felt like I got a taste of what it might feel like to have a real home when I arrived back at my Montana park this time around-- I was welcomed back by co-workers and friends, and I could unpack my stuff into my little camper that felt totally familiar. I think the seasonal life is the way to go for me! I sure hope you find a way that works for you-- finding the life-balance is tough, but fascinating how many ways people find to make it work.

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